The power of the arts

breaking the ice

you should see me. venturing out into the icy tundra. i laugh at danger. and these are all filthy lies.


anyway, this afternoon i said hello to a stranger-gentleman as i was walking to lucca in the mall. he said "hi" (normal) and then went on further to say "can i goo youuurrr wayyyyy gurl?" (ab.normal.)

i didn't respond ... besides picking up my pace.

but the more i thought about it, the more i appreciated his words.

he noticed that i was going a different way. and he WANTED to come. granted, i think he wasn't interested in my spiritual trajectory.

but what if people knew that the church was going a DIFFERENT(better) way and WANTED to come??

sadly, our way usually looks like theirs. we do a great job of blending in. falling in line. keeping up with the flow of traffic. building bigger and better billboards than our secular counter.

it's all camouflage and guns with us.










this can't be the way. God show us what that is.





and p.s. to my mom who is my one subscriber. please don't be concerned. i was gonna mace that man if he started following me. and then i was gonna leave him a gospel track.

such beauty

i can be standing in a room full of people...and feel utterly alone.


why don't i cling to you like i should?
you know, i want to be all of these things but, i feel like i'm taking two steps backwards everytime i try and make an effort to reach forward...beautiful, clever, strong, secure, mysterious.

i'm trying to do it all by myself. trying to grow into the woman that God destined me to be...but, in doing that, i'm forgetting that if i just seek first the kingdom, seek first your mysteries, then mine, too, will be unlocked.

and without even trying...that woman that i'm supposed to be, that beautiful, clever, strong, secure, mysterious woman, will emerge.

LOL

some friends bring out the best in you. they tickle your funny bone in a non weird way. is there a non weird way? i'll answer that for you, no.

they make ya laugh till orange pop comes out of your nose. they give you a case of the belly laughs and the snorts. they put tina faye to shame.

bet you have some of these wisecracks in your life. i hope so anyway.

north, south, east, west.

I don't need all of that. The fling, the one night stand, the unintentional flirting followed by, what seems like, a lifetime of mixed signals. I don't need someone like that; promising me everything but delivering nothing.

i need you...

to keep me warm on this frigid january night. to laugh at the silly thoughts that are swirling around in my head right now. i just wish you were here to encourage me to dig deeper into the mysteries of God when my flesh becomes distracted by superfelous worries and worthless idols. and i want you to dig into the mysteries of me... to decipher me. to lay by me and sing to me as i drift off to sleep. I don't care if it's off pitch and imperfect...just sing me anything. i wish you could be here with me so i could lift you up as you would for me. so i could tell you that no matter what tribulations come our way we would never stop loving each other. and i wish you were here so we could grow in that love together. a love that is like Christs love for us; deep and intimate, abounding in grace. i wish your arms would envelope me and you would just hold me, protect me. Because i want to know you're there. I need to know if you are out there thinking of me on this january night... I don't want any other but you. I want all of you, forever and always. I will wait for you.



Is it alright, me asking all of this of you? I mean, i haven't even met you yet...

Leonardo DiCaprio

Seems like the only crushes i have lately are those of fictional characters played by famous actors over 30. Which isn't so bad if you think about it. Actually it's great. This means my standards have raised and i've come out of this thing emotionally intact.

is that really what my crushes mean? ...
probably not.

but i'd like to think so.


I am in the waiting now. Which is exactly where i should be. While all of my friends are prancing(?) about and hitting on the first thing that moves, i am left in the waiting.

and...i just noticed that i said LEFT in the waiting. 'Left' accurately depicts my life right now. i feel...left. Like, everyone bought rockets and attached them to their lives and i didn't get the memo.

I'm behind on everything, it seems. *sigh* and the funny, but not really funny, thing about my life is that i keep hoping it's going to magically get easier.

So, i'm stuck in the Left Behind book series: The Life Edition....just wishing someone could read me and tell me what's coming up next and how i can get out of the never-ending climax.



wow, i'm just full of awesome analogies tonight...

running scared

I don't know what i'm doing with my life.

razzle dazzle, mr. pres

i think i'm mostly nonpartisan. and i don't really hope for any men in washington to change my life.

it's not my kingdom. and that's a durn good thing considering american government class always kicked me in the shins. left me real befuddled.

but today, good grief, i'm pleased with my fellow americans.

bout time we started believing that every type of man is glorious. cause God isn't white. or black. or razzle dazzle rose. (that's an honest crayola color)

btw.lol.idk.idn.jk.hagd.cya. TTYL

i'm thinking about quitting facebook ... again.

for reasons unknown, i guess i'm just terribly introverted. and facebook has lent me to way too much social interaction. i suppose i've been a terrible digital friend. and i apologize to you. i meant to write "lol" on your wall after you sent me that funny link. and i honestly was planning on looking through your 52nd album entitled... ahhh, i forget. but it was something witty. i promise i almost bought you a super-rad virtual present when i noticed when your relationship status changed.

do you suppose that would've salvaged us?

on a different tangent, i hope all things world wide web'ish' will continue on their course if my decision is final. after all, it's the information age.

and at some point, after we've twittered ourselves into frenzies and wikipedia(ed) every known subject, we will find ourselves with the same foolish hearts of all those before us. the human condition didn't change when al gore and his inventions came along.

moreover.

you know those people that constantly contradict themselves? that berate modern technology on their blogs? no, i don't either.



post.scriptum.
now that i might be all freed up. if you have a blog of your own, i'd love to check in. be a good dear and email me your url?

in case you were wondering, mexicana airlines doesn't serve peanuts.

God had mercy on me in the airplane. sat next to an older man who didn't use the whole arm rest or fall asleep in my lap or try and strike up conversation about the weather. amen.

instead i spent the delightful flight in and out of sleep. sigur ros asked if they could come to. i didn't want to be rude, but, i told them that i had lost my ipod and they could not serenade me the entire way like they usually do. they were a little disappointed. the flight attendant said i couldn't listen to music anyway during take off and landing because it was a safety precaution, i think she really just hates any music that isn't rap. she had a grill.

i was in the library and picked up a book called nineteen eighty four. sheesh. i was only a few pages in and i was certain the world was ending. never really had the capability to distinguish fact from fiction in the midst of reading a good novel. this is the genius of story.

which brings me to my final point before i head to work. i hope you get lost today in a narrative. even if it's not the printed kind. the kingdom narrative is unfolding in all sorts of faces. i hope you read the people around you and rejoice with them and mourn with them because you no longer can distinguish where you end and they begin.

"she pushed me into a palm branch and i ate a butterfly."

Here are just a few updates on my life so far:
1. I'm pretty sure i know where i'm going to college. But, yet...
2. My camera is flashing Error 99, and i'm scared.
3. I need an ipod, still.
4. I've been going to school for only half a day for the past two years, and now i have to go for the full 6 hours. I'm kind of upset.
5. This last stretch of the school year might just kill me.
6. My head tone is getting just as strong as my chest voice. (you won't understand if you don't take voice lessons.)
7. My teachers know me as the girl who always writes with the purple pen...
8. I'm still learning how to balance my check book.
9. I've added American Apparel to my list of favorite clothing stores.
10. Life is slowly starting to get a little more difficult/fantastic.


that is all.
P.S. oh, yes. and you can thank my dad for the quote on my Title. Thanks dad.