hotel room

a change of atmosphere always provokes the urge to write...


i have found that different atmospheres and surroundings instill different emotions in me.

for instance;
Starbucks always makes me want to become more studious.I have the urge to educate myself more and expand my intelligence when i step into this type of place. I see all the full time students writing papers, searching books for meaning and answers; the reflection of their Macbook Pro glimmering faintly in the lenses of their thick black rimmed glasses...hot coffee faithfully at their side.

Barnes and Nobles (usually succeeding starbucks) makes me feel a sense of adventure. Sounds stupid...but bare with me. Books are, if you think about it, adventures in themselves. opening a book and filling your mind with the contents unveil imagination and cause me to...escape. Usually, when i venture into B&N i am already on a quest for escape. There is just something about sitting in a comfy chair (or the floor if a person has taken my favorite chair) and letting your mind wander. No distractions, no worries... no boundaries, no grip, no prohibitions. Just my thoughts.


This hotel room was empty. Barren. Just laying there, staring at the blank ceiling. This feeling of loneliness entrapped me; choking any inspiration that i desperately wanted to attain. Usually being alone caused my thoughts to spark, paving the way for songs, art, compositions of any sort to be made. and lately, none of that had been happening. No sparks were flying. and this hotel room confirmed my feelings of complacency. It was so, so quite...

the silence...

It filled this empty hotel room
it was deafening.

and then... you spoke.
it was like rushing water.

every fiber of my being trembled in awe before you.
the very sound of your voice encompassed every feeling.
it overwhelmed me.
Suddenly i was entrapped by your very presence.

it vibrated every molecule in the air.
radiating out and in simultaneously.
so loud, yet just a whisper...

"You are never alone."


Your voice causes a shift of atmosphere. It commands every thought, feeling, and action to bow before you. Your very presence alters my past, present, and future.

Wherever i am, Wherever i go, Whatever i'm feeling....
You are unchanging and everlasting.



You are God.

somewhere

in dallas somewhere. the hotel is really cool.

wi-fly

ooo00hhh, got to thinking that my title might be a great marketing witticism to sell to Southwest airlines... apparently Jack Blumenstein thought the same thing when he coined the phrase over two years ago and made millions (says search engine google).

i'm such a laggard in the way of innovation. always close, but no cigar.

to each his own. Mr. Blumenstein, i applaud you.

anyway dears, i'm sorry to report that nashville airport doesn't have wi-fly. Er at least that's what i learned today during my trip to the Will Rogers World airport. But, back to Nashyvilleeee; instead they've employed a wi-would-we-give-you-free-internet-when-we-could-charge-you service. but i'm sure they say it with a southern accent, so it doesn't make you mad for some reason. bless their hearts.



It seems i haven't been keeping up with the social network scene. too busy. Life is comin at me fast.
...if life is a sort of soundtrack, then i certainly have no clue where the pause button is. must be a defect in my machinery. (that happens on the assembly line sometimes.)


all that to say, here's a play by play:
working to get my very own macbook and 120gb ipod. a five song EP (in the works). a new favorite coffee mug. a longing to be with the family. an antique obsession. blonde locks. two jobs. an affair with the vogue manual of style. pentecost. a secret blog with cohorts. one mysterious roommate. new jams. crumpled receipts from lucca and taco bell. new devotional. missing my camping friend. new car. a batter of idealism and realism. the Church. a few must reads. wanting a new pair of spectacles. sun sitting. some cantankerous behavior. some sacred space. joy at what is. and hope at what will be.

amaaagaadd.
sometimes i feel like the archetype of an EMO.

my demise

the air;
just out of my reach.
i open my eyes not seeing anything but blackness,
my arms outstretched in front of me.
i can't feel it
swirling around my fingertips.

instead
all i feel is brick.
four walls of cold, hard, death-
a blockade to the vast
expansion of freedom
that's literally just within
my grasp.

this room is small, pitch black.
i can't breathe.
i beat against the wall,
my tears leaving a stain that won't disappear.
within those tears-
every emotion i've built up until the
dam to my heart decided to crumble inside of me.

i look over my shoulder.
behind me, all the things that remind me
of why i'm still striving,
dying, to completely annihilate these walls.
oh, these walls...
taunting me, suppressing any sign of life.
they laugh at my every attempt to escape while
they inch closer and closer to their prey
while i inch closer and closer to my defeat.

my fingers drag across the walls,
my eyes searching within the inky blackness that's
overwhelming me.
fear pounds within my chest.
for this fear has filled what was meant for life.

so, i slump down into the only position i know-
hands wrapped tightly around my body,
eyes still opened, seeing nothing.
the only sound;
the beating of my lifeless heart,
echoing through the menacing darkness.

when summer exhales

it would do you good to inhale.






I love sitting on my back porch and enjoying the outdoors. except, i have an emphatic disdain for small insectuals that drink my blood as a lunch time smoothie. futher evidence of my domestication is that i never plan on taking a honeymoon in the appalachians. and do not currently own a nalgene water bottle to match every northface jacket i own.


still, something happens to my imagination when i'm allowed to sit on a porch. something glorious wakes up when i can smell rain or feel a sunburn on the tip of my nose. something starts burning in me when i sit in the grass ( literally, i think i'm allergic.)


when i witness the natural creation, i get heavier--ontologically speaking. more real. and i begin to wonder.



some smarties once told me that the garden of eden was like one big green house. and that instead of precipitation, the air was so moist and the ozone so unbreached, that everything stayed warm and watered. like a humid holiday-inn.


they said that after man decided to like apples more than God, the earth started breaking.


so from what i gather, winter equals death.


and that's why someday, when i've been entirely sanctified, you may find me in san diego california. because everyone knows that california is the closest thing to the garden of eden. haha temperature and otherwise.

for proof of this, one needs to look no further than their elected leader, the terminator. hmmmm...

Eternal Sunshine

You know, sometimes i wish that life would work a little more like the indie film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind.


Not in the sense of the confusing and slightly disturbing scenes but, i mean, i wish there were a way i could erase...no, wrong word; I wish i could eradicate someone from my memory with the push of a button.




With one simple flick of the wrist...everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.




Of course, this is reality and one would need some serious money and fire in their stomach to attempt such a procedure. So, i guess i'll just have to stick with what us commoners do with the absence of such a luxary...





bash the windows out of their car.

do you ever feel like the world is spinning so fast around you?
like you need everything to stop for just a second to simply get your bearings?
like a fish out of water?

i guess that's just called life.

dear life,
you have thrown me for a loop.
please slow down so i can try to catch up.